Rant: Just give me my fucking money!

Why???

How is it that I have still not received my final paycheck from that horrid ass job and that crooked ass preacher? I’m so sick of sending fucking e-mails. This man has really me damn near whoring myself, for a couple hundred dollars. Why must I hound you for whats lawfully mine? Why all the aggravation and insults? Just give me my damn money. Every time he pisses me off I come here and curse and act a nigga. I’m trying to hold composure and be mature, but I really want to fight this nigga, straight up. Bash his shit in! 09 should not have started like this. The bullshit just keeps building up. I need a shovel and a job to make this shit less annoying.

 

Keep hydrated,

 

KD

Ramble: Because my body aches and I came to work anyway

I don’t feel good. These kids are being extra loud, my neck hurts, there is some thick phlegm shit stuck in the back my throat, and I just want to go home and crawl in bed. I can’t. It sucks. I’m trying to drug myself up, but I’m scared to take anything that may make me too drowsy and fall asleep on the bus, and wake up anywhere besides home. I wish I had a car. Scratch that. Today would be a horrible day for me to try and drive. I can barely make it up these mazes of steps and door ways here at work; traffic is much more difficult.

This is just not a good day. I hate being sick. I that the thought of being sick. I’m such a big baby. I just want my mommy to make me some soup and bring me orange juice with a flexi-straw.

Why won’t these kids shut the hell up!!! Why??? I hope this sickness doesn’t come with a sore throat. I hope it’s gone by Monday. I can’t let this sickness rob me of my big “Fuck you, I’m quitting speech.” I’ve planned it since day three, every since I found out Teaching Assistant meant I would be trapped in this hell because of the damn recession and my lack of a degree.

Who turned the lights up so high? Yesterday you couldn’t pay for an ounce of sunshine; today every single beam seems to be aimed directly in my eyes penetrating the part of my brain that cause a cacophony of ringing noises, that I can only call chaos.

Why me?

Where is my mother, a bowl of chicken noodle soup and darkness and silence? That would make my day so much better. I knew it was going to be horrible when I over slept by a half an hour. I should have stayed in bed. I’m always ignoring the important signals.

There are a 1000 people texting me and are angry that my responses are short un-humorous. I can’t help it. I just don’t feel like me. Lie. I do feel like me, just a me who got ran over by a tractor trailed and infected with the bird flu, but I haven’t eaten chicken in days, and that has no real relevance to what I’m talking about now. Someone save me from me. Save me from whatever sick is resting in the pit of my belly. Tell me that this is not some anxiety ridden disease that has chosen to manifest itself in the form of insomnia and cold symptoms.

I promise, I’ll be better and less anxious and lethargic come the New Years, I have it all mapped out, including my red white and blue skinny tie.

I know I’m rambling, but I can’t sleep like I want to

So, I’ll type until the pain stops, or the medicine kicks in, or its time for me to go home. 

Some people look hotter when they suffer,
KD

Working Ms. Piggy…

Have you ever had someone not like you because you refuesd to tell them your inner most secrets?

Have not liked someone because every question they asked was like they wanted to know about every aspect of you life just so they could turn it into water cooler gossip?

It aggravates me that I have to sit at the job (that I once loved) and be this cold shell of myself. It’s the only way I know to keep my cool. Maybe, its not the best thing in the world. It keeps me from losing my temper, but maybe that’s what I need to do.

I might just need a new job. To separates myself from this whirlpool of fake smiles and half hearted hello’s. This is not me. This is not who I want to become at all! In all the jobs I’ve had I always tried to stay away from office politics. They always rubbed me the wrong way. There is something stomach churning about a bunch of adults giggling and gossiping. I thought it was something that people out grow. I’m trying to out grow it. Some days I succeed and others I don’t, at least I’m making an effort.

Is that something people out grow?

It can’t be hereditary…can it? (Now analyze parents bad habits)… I’m good. Then again I didn’t know my parents in their pre-me prime. I think I just made up a word “pre-me”. I like it, its cool.

That’s not even the real reason that I’m mad or writing this.

I’m really upset because I got played. Played real hard and it was so unnecessary. Its like wait. How are you giving me attitude when I’m not in the wrong, but it catches you so off guard that you sit and listen and almost believe that you are wrong. Then 3 seconds after you realize that you had an amazing come back. (I always come up with amazing comebacks after the fact.) Its my gift and my curse. It will help some friend in an argument later, it always does.

I’m angry  because I let this lady get the best of me. She carried me soooo hard. For no reason. It’s going to fuck with my self-esteem all day. I promise.

She better not slip up before I leave. Because that killer come back I have is still locked and loaded.

textmessageless,

KD

Its Written Over Your Face (Staff Meetings)

Before reading this please refer back to the entry “No Apology Required”.

Yesterday, I spent the better part of what had shaped up to be a pretty good day in a BULLSHIT ASS MEETING. I told you before about my job here at school, and how I don’t really do anything, and that I get paid, and I’ve been doing it for 3 years. Well, now in light of my recent altercation with the Easter bunny face bitch they decided to become a little more strict and have rules, because they want us to become more well-rounded individuals and know how to survive in the “real world”. Whatever. If that meeting is what the “real world” is like than I gladly decline. Because what I’ve learned is that in the real world no one really likes their co-workers and are only concerned with them when they are preforming their job at a less than satisfactory manor. That as soon as one co-worker leaves the office it is time for the rest of the office to talk about them. That confidentiality never really exist because no one cares and its all the same as gossip to them. That myspacing and text messaging is also just as addictive to people who are 30 and single and wack (special shot out the bunny face bitch). But most importantly in the real world no one says how they really feel. They have meetings and tip-toe around the issues and pretend that everything is cool with out direct confrontation but at the same time not solving anything. Nothing at all. Just wait for the meeting to be over and start the same vicious cycle over the very next day. Is this really what I came to college to learn. How to be conniving and manipulative. How to be unhappy and in debt with a master’s. Wow! I see now why people are  oppose conformity, and now I am inclined to agree. I would like to think the best way to solve a problem is to face it head on. and I’m not saying that I’m a very confrontational person, however If i feel deeply about something than I won’t silence myself behind meetings and pointless handouts. Lets not waist that much time. and plus I’m not that good at the faking attitude. I wear my emotions all on my face and they can tell you far more than any words that I say. I don’t even realize it until someone brings it to my attention. Ok ok. The moral of this story is that, the real world is full of frauds. Angry people afraid to be angry and try and make me go to meetings that could have been solved the first time if the bunny faced bitch just let me curse her out. Please stop me if I sound a bit immature, its just how I feel.

Learning and Growing

K

No Apology Required

I’ve always had this mentality that after I argue or confront someone, I don’t apologize. I’ve never felt the need to. Even if I was wrong SO WHAT? I meant whatever I said in that moment and for me to waste my breath and lay an empty apology on your ears would do neither of us any good. Except the fact that it might help you sleep better at night. but I’m not really concerned with how well you sleep at night especially if I’m angry with you. So, here the situation… I work in my school’s student services office and I’m basically a paper pusher for 4 advisers and a secretary. I get along well with everyone I work with here except for this one lady who is an anal retentive bitch with large gangly Easter bunny teeth. So the bitch, who I will now refer to as the Easter Bunny had been pestering me for a week to complete this project that I just had no desire to do. Even though the idea was mine and it was great it just was not my cup of tea. So, Friday came and I was cornered into attempting to start it. I was in her office listening to her ramble the way anal retentive people tend to do about the best possible way to get this completed. But I had already made my mind up that I didn’t want to do it, so there was no need to continue to ask for my opinion because I was going to do whatever you told me to get the bullshit over with. We went back and forth for a good half an hour about how I need to change my attitude. Which was true my attitude did suck, but who cares like your annoying and you have teeth like the Easter bunny, Get out of my face. Then this bitch made me walk my ass across campus to pick up some damn color copies. WHAT THE FUCK! She knew she was getting on my nerves (she had to know. I mumbled it at least 52 times), and I deiced that I wasn’t doing shit else for her that day.  I didn’t and she was frustrated but I didn’t care. I made my way to the front of the office and checked facebook to calm myself down lol. Now before I get to the real bullshit of this story just let me say this. Everybody has a right to be mad and vent, its human. OK now, she goes into the secretaries office right next to my little desk and was like let me tell you about this student( who’s name was made up, because she really wanted to talk about me) so she is in the office and mad and just going off talking about me like I can’t hear shit. Which I’m sure she didn’t know I could hear. and I’m out side of the door and livid. Like if she was a dude or vice versa. I would of knocked her fucking block off. You don’t even know. but I held it and went on with my day. I had no plans to say anything about anything. But it was just bothering me. You know that feeling when your mad and your nerves get the best of you, and you cant concentrate because your so angry. So after my class I went down to her office just to say how I felt about some shit and leave. No that wasn’t good enough she wanted me to sit down and talk., but I  didn’t want to talk. I just wanted to get this shit off my chest and leave. Now I have to sit here and look this gangly tooth Easter bunny face bitch in the eye and try to be civilized. NO! now is not the time for me to sort through my feelings. I already accepted that I was wrong. but I wasn’t about to tell you that. So, just let me tell you how you offended me. again she just wouldn’t shut up and we went back and forth until I just got up and left. Fast forward past my great weekend of clubbing, stumbling, and quick sex. to my boss asking me to apologize. No Sir. I will not waste my breath because I’m not sorry. Even though I share the blame those words will never be spoken from me, especially to a person I don’t feel is deserving of it. Am I wrong for that? And who cares. THE END!