Rambel: When a Brown Face Makes you Smile

The Black List: Volume One

There are very few programs that are geared towards black that I find entertaining or informative. Tonight I watched the HBO documentary The Black List: Volume One and it didn’t disappoint me. It was a program I’ve been waiting to see. One I needed to see. This is what all brown children aspiring to be something greater need to see. Successful brown people from all walks of life, brown faces not conforming to any stereotypes of what brown and successful should be  I walked away proud with the feeling that one day I might have experiences that young brown faces can learn from. It left me with the feeling that one day I might just be a role model. I may even get my own stamp.

This show had something for everyone. It featured Toni Morrison, Lou Gossit Jr., Chris Rock, Thelma Golden, Suzan-Lori Parks, Susan Rice, Slash, Zane, and Colin Powell. I mean some of the names I’ve never heard before tonight. I can admit that with no shame. I can also say that after tonight I will never forget them. It’s just amazing, these successful brown people with these experiences and this advice that if left to BET I would never get. This should be black popular culture. I think that this was the dream of many during the Civil Right Movement.  It’s my dream! How could I hope to become a great at anything if I can’t name the people who paved a way for me?

I need to step my game up. Read more. Know more. BE PROACTIVE! (I read that in a book somewhere.)

This might be saying a bit much, but tonight was a great night be to black. I was watching the Democratic National Convention and I got to hear Michele Obama speak. That was something spectacular all in it self.  Then the Black List.

I know where I need to be in life. I know where I need to focus my career goals. I should be watching the feet of people who found success with their hearts and didn’t take no for an answer. The people who admit that they don’t live spend all of their days consumed by changing the world. Brown people that are successful and sincere in a way that I have never seen in person. BROWN PEOPLE in AMERICA!

 

I AM ONE,

 

KD

 

 

 

A nervous rant.

I say this all the time. I’m not one for appology. I’m not one for smiling and speaking when my heart and brain are not in agreement.

I just don’t get it. I waste enough breath.

When I watch TV instead of writing

sending txt messages when I could call.

And I get it. I really do. No one can be cold and cynical all the time.

Even I struggle with it at times, but I do think that for the most part I am true to my word.

If I fuck with you I fuck with you, no matter what. And if I don’t I don’t.

I know at times that can hinder me. I’ve seen how the “real world” is all about keeping up apperances.

Some days I know I can’t fake it. My face won’t let me. My soul won’t let me.

It sucks. I can’t. I wish I could.

I don’t know.

I can handle people not liking me. I dislike a good 35% of the people I know. I tolerate 40%.

If you don’t like me fine, but don’t pretend.

Because If I drop dead tomorrow I wouldn’t want you to waste tears on me.

Save them for someone you love.

I can promise you I won’t.

I’ll say a prayer for your family and pray you rest in peace, but I will not pretend that when you were breathing that I cared for face that you showed the world.

Thats wrong.

I know.

We can’t always be rightous.

I think its more of a respect thing.

Yet other people see it as snooty or pretentious.

Its not.

I just value myslef more than pretending to like you.

And thats not even to say that I can’t co-exist in the same space with someone I despise.

I just don’t know.

So, Im gonna write until I feel like people are not pretending.

Fuck!

I hate feeling like this.

I hate feeling like being yourself is the worst thing in the world.

I love people who are themselves “without permission”.

And I would say that its about haters, but I don’t believe in them.

Haters are something that people with low self-esteem created to deal with their own feelings of inadequacy.

I can’t take.

Somedays I feel the weight of my own self doubt beating down on me.

I own that though. Its mine.

The world didn’t give it to me.

It can’t take it away.

I realize that it doesn’t work like that for everyone .

Still I own it.

Maybe this is what is about owning who you are?

even if you can’t identify all the parts and get them to function.

Knowing that they are yours.

To mold, shape , and discard.

habits and people.

so … yeah

pay this no mind.

Just me trying not to be angry.

and owning the parts of me that keep me sane.

and the parts that beg for mending.

Delaware on the Map…

Delaware is never in the News. Most people still don’t know that Delaware is a state. IT IS.!

Yesterday, while checking my mail I ran across an article that said that Delaware Senator Joe Biden, may be a front runner to be Obama’s Vice President. How cool is that? I think its way cool (that sounded corny).

I did have to do a tad more reading, because I am not as politically savvy as I would like to be. This is what I found.

“…The choice is likely to be Sen. Joe Biden of Delaware, chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee. He is a lively and feisty if unpredictable campaigner with working-class roots and a street-level feel for the hot spots of the globe — which he can use to go toe-to-toe with Sen. John McCain.” – Tobin Harshaw

I’m voting for Obama anyway! and I plan to do my part knowing where he stands on several issues that are important to this election. But right now I’m just excited that the VP might potentially be from Delaware. HELL YEAH!

Plus having Hill as VP is just asking for a sex scandal rumors. People already think Bill is black and Obama has those good weed lips….Ha! Michelle will beat Hillary’s ass!

 

I come from THE GREAT FIRST STATE,

KD

So Real Is My Crew…

I am a reality TV junkie…You name it I’ll watch it. Except those the really bad ones like Survivor, Big Brother, and Extreme Home Makeover (despite the positive message). This summer the reality TV  selection has been kinda slim so I’ve been addicted to Project Runway and America’s Best Dance Crew. This Thursday, is the finale of ABDC and I’m sad. Why do all the good shows have to end?? Anyway, I know who I want to win this dance bonanza!

 

SO REAL CRU…

I want them to win badly. I even voted for them which is something that I never do.Guilty, I know. I’m one of those people who never votes but always complains when my favorite doesn’t win. However I did vote in the last presidential election, did you? Yeah.

I think I like them because they’re Asian. I had this weird fascination with Asianpeople and culture this summer…OK all year. (The Olympics didn’t make it any better.) They are just so fly to me. Like there is this one lady that works at the Chinese store by my school and she is the Flyest thing walking. Her hair cut, her clothes, her attitude. I don’t know. I hope that didn’t come off like I have some “love me long time” fetish. I assure you I don’t. I just wish I could afford me an Asian stylish. I will just wait.

Enough Rambling…Back to these fly Asians on MTV. I hope they win. I voted. I called and texted. They better win. OBAMA better win.  YEAH! Gangsta!

My New Best FRIENDS.  SO REAL CRU.

I don’t know names. I looked them up on Myspace, but yeah…I’m not gonna type them. They are a crew.

and peep the Flyness…

in purple…and I don’t even like grape juice, but its still fly

watch these suckers moves…

 

Watch the Finale of ABDC on Thursday 8/21 @ 10 pm.

 

EXPLOSION,

 

KD

 

If I survived you can too..

Now that I am officially a senior in college…FUCK YEAH!!! IM ALMOST DONE!!! Anyway. I feel it is my official duty to make a list of things that every college freshman will need. You think packing for college is simple. Its not. Its a highly complex process that requires lots of planning and skill.

I remember my first year I took my entire bedroom plus an entire new set of shit. Most of which I didn’t need but I had a fly fuckin dorm room. Not really cribs worthy but I liked it.

Yeah…. So here’s the list (not in any particular order)

1. Alarm clock- a real one too. Using your cell phone is cool but a real life alarm clock is much better, and will give you a 5% chance of making it to class. (I made up the 5% thing but by an alarm clock anyway cheap ass.)

2. Medicine- oh you will get sick. a cold , allergies, migraines, scabies, food poisoning, or something rare that only happens from using communal bathrooms.  Having a stock of pills and syrups will at least giving you a fighting chance of curing symptoms until you make it to the doctor. They also help as conversation starters. See someone you like with a runny nose, just politely reach over and in your most seductive voice say, “I got something for that runny nose”, then wink and back away before they sneeze in your face. They will be grateful for your kindness which can result in the exchange of phone numbers. (I normally charge by the hour for these relationship starters.)

3. Shower shoes- This should be number one on the list. It would have been number one if I made rankings based on importance. Still. They are important if you value your feet or you life. However, if you were raised by some sort of wild animal and have some extra thick foot skin then go right ahead and shower barefooted. I’ll watch and laugh. Kidding. Not really. You need shower shoes because you will more than likely be sharing a shower with more than 30 people who probably pee, shave, and touch themselves in the shower and do you really want to walk in that. I don’t think so. Unless you are one of those wild raised in the jungle people…

4. Things from home- I know that’s kinds of general but bringing something that reminds you of home can be useful. It doesn’t have to be something big, like a parent, just a little something for you to hold onto in moments of homesickness (and they will come). I found that pictures help me the most. When school is stressing me out, I just look at old pictures and try to hold on to pleasant memory to help me through that moment. Pictures might not work for everyone. So bring a pillow or a stuffed animal, or whatever makes you feel right at home.

5. ID/Drivers License- that sounds like a no brainer but you would be surprised how many people don’t have valid id until you in line to get into a club and they turn their ass away. Yes. It’s not only an inconvenience for you but your friends. And they will scold you for months after.

6. A fake Id- Because its sucks when all your friends are older and you can’t play in any of the 21 and older reindeer games. (If you get caught I did not tell you to do this.)

7. Dress clothes/Formal wear- You will be required to get dressed up at least once during your college career. It would be nice if you had more than dark denim jeans and a tucked in polo shirt. It’s just not good for business. For men: collard shirt, tie, slacks, dress shoes, and maybe even a blazer. And the ladies: A skirt (not mini hoes), a pair of slacks, a dress shirt not showing to much cleavage, and nice heels (not the club kind either).

8. School supplies- you know paper, pencil, and folders. I know a few assholes that came to college and forgot about the school part.

9. IPods/Mp3- Music shall be you salvation during times of working out, or studying, cleaning, and most importantly partying!!!!!!! Yeah…music

10. Playing cards or board game- a rainy day is a rainy day. And rainy days suck. Games make rainy days go by much faster, and again great for broke dates. Low on cash just invites that person over for a good ol’ fashioned game. It’s cute and innocent and can lead to other freaky things…just kidding.

I’ll think of more things you need to know and share later. And if this applies to no one that it was a great writing exercise for me. 

1 and done,

 

KD